I hate your face
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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