It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
