And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
