my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When are your genitals available?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
