My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
