She's JV to your varsity
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's the barista slut.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
