But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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