what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
