she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
