shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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