Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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