i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
