If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
