proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
