he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
