I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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