If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
