Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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