I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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