he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
