am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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