Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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