3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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