You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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