I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's never too late to be topless.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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