May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
