i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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