i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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