I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
