Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween