There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you