In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i will never coherently bang her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.