She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.