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• (904): View more from Florida

  There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (914): View more from New York

  He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I want to be your penis for a week.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat

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• (305): View more from Florida

  May the power of my ass compel you!!

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.

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• (518): View more from New York

  He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you

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