I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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