It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
