It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
