Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

Wait, how do girls masturbate?

(1-925): View more from California

I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

(925): View more from California

..how does it fit?

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(716): View more from New York

And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad

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(818): View more from California

I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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(253): View more from Washington

I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.

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