Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
