And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
