My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize