Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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