I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
