So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
