Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
