sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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