Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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