It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
