Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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