Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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