you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
