Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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