and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
