if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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