it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
