There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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