just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
