the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
