I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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