doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
