Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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