i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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