ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
