i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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