I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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