Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
