U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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