every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
