8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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