If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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