Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
