you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
