Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So many bounce houses so little time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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