went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
