i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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