Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
