I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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