I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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