You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
