Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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