i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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