I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
