But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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