and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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